Let’s talk about raising CONFIDENT kids

Hey Moms,

I am here, strangely, on a Monday. I typically blog at my fitness blog www.coache.ng/blog every Monday, but today, I decided to break, or rather, flip the rules. 

In my last post, I shared about how I am raising G.R.I.C kids, putting the spotlight on ‘R- Responsible, and I – Independent kids’.

Today, let’s zone in on C- Confident kids.

Ok, so a couple days ago was open day at my kids’ school and my husband was open to go. He then told me during the weekend something my almost 6 year old’s teacher had told him.

She said we should be careful what we say around KingDaveed because he came to school and told them something that didn’t go down well with his friend.

He told them that the gift he had given him on Val’s day, his mommy poured it away, and so the boy felt bad.

When hubby told me, I WANTED to feel bad, especially for the boy, but I didn’t. I instead took some time to really THINK on what the Teacher said, and what wisdom this situation demanded, especially for the future, especially because I will still be POURING out and TRASHING any crap that comes into my home, and I will be letting my kids in on it, as it is a teaching moment for me to them, on how we handle junk.

We TRASH it!!!

Ok, so a little story, which I am glad I didn’t have to tell the teacher to JUSTIFY or EXPLAIN myself, but I can share here.

For Val’s day celebration, they asked the kids to wear mufti and bring some stuff (drinks and snacks) to share for the children in class, then a gift for their teacher and valentine, which would be one of their friends.

I got cake and a small gift for the teachers, Crackers and Coaster biscuits for the kids, NO DRINK because I don’t believe in those crappy junk drinks, and then books for their assigned Val’s.

Sent it off in a nice packaging and a note to the teacher, instructing them not to let my kids taste ANYTHING that was shared in the class from others. Now, typically they would not let the kids eat anything not brought from home, but I wanted to emphasize it, hence my note. I think I even called the school too to let them know. They were to bring everything given to them HOME!!!

My kids came back that day excited about all that they had gotten and I took my time to sieve through them. There were some things I let them have, mostly biscuits and chocolates, after I blessed them, but I didn’t allow them to have the drinks. There was this one gift of a LadyBird book I think on Wizards, which I trashed. I mean, I love that this mom gave a book as a gift, but I was not messing around with books on wizards and witches.

And just in case you wondered, “Sofia the First” is about witches and mermaids, so you need to be careful of it too. I know she’s cute and teaches good manners too, buh we dun play with sorcery and mermaids here.

Anyways, I trashed the book, but my son didn’t see me do that, and left the drinks lying casually on my table. My second son, who especially had been hovering around the bags, now opened it, and KingDaveed came to report. I was SO MAD!!!

He didn’t drink it, but his curiosity made him somehow open it. I was going to give it out to our security or so, but I was so mad at this point that I did the next best thing, which was NOT to now give them since they were open, but I went to the sink, taking them with me, and trashed the entire contents of all the drinks.

I was tired of the questions and ‘beggings’, so that put a permanent end to all.

So my kid now tells that to his friend, of course without any detail. Just that his mama poured the drink, and the teacher said the boy felt bad.

Now, pull a seat moms, let me share something before you start feeling bad or angry at me. Because that is one issue we have as females, we can be so emotional that we are BLIND to common sense and sound judgment. You will be like “awww poor child, that mother is just wicked, stupid, etx, why didn’t she do it BEHIND her own child so he will not see it, etx”

All emotional and unwise, frankly.

I asked myself how I would FEEL as a mom, if my sons came home and told me that a friend trashed the gift I gave him to give, and HONESTLY, I knew that I would not feel angry at that mom. Instead, I would make a mental note to stay VERY NEUTRAL when it comes to GIFTS, or refrain from giving. And even if it happens again, that’s fine, it doesn’t affect me and should not affect my son!!!

I would not even say anything to the mom in question, because think about it, there will be MANY such instances where your child is made to feel ‘somehow’ at his choices and actions, even if they came straight from you.

How many moms and people will you go and be vexing for, meanwhile the common denominator, who you should be placing focus and emotions on, remains your CHILD!!!

This is where a WHOLE teaching moment comes in.

We MUST teach our children CONFIDENCE, Moms

Kidshealth.org defines confidence in kids as

Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable.

You must teach your kids to be SURE of themselves, first as a result of their IDENTITY in Christ, and then based on the VALUES you promote and hold dear at home.

Everything outside should NEVER shake your kids, not especially peer pressure, this changing world, trends, and more.

We must teach our kids that it is OK to be DIFFERENT and that NOTHING is wrong with it.

They DO NOT HAVE TO BLEND IN with the crowd.

They do not have to do what is CONSIDERED POPULAR if it goes against their Christian values and what they learn at home.

Oh, I teach my kids this at every time and opportunity I get. I try not to WASTE teaching moments. If I got angry at the mom who did that, without teaching my kids that it is OK for someone to reject a gift without him feeling rejected, I have WASTED a WHOLE teaching moment, 

For example, my kids take WATER to school. No drink, no caprisun and the likes. I did a post here on 11 things I do not buy as a #MinimalMom

There was a time they would come back and say ‘XXX is drinking YYY’ and I tell them that it is OK for him to have that, but he is UNIQUE and DIFFERENT and doesn’t have to have XXX because his classmates do.

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

Psalms 139:14 KJV

Are they suddenly perfected in confidence?


So it is a lesson I find every teaching moment to impart, and I don’t get tired. 

In fact, what we hold dear in your home may even be FALSE, but that doesn’t mean train them to be CONFIDENT still. What matters is the PRINCIPLE first. Then when you KNOW better, you can train them better. But don’t ever let them BOW to external pressure because they are afraid of sticking out, or hurting someone else’s feelings.

Let’s raise ‘em confident, please!!!

And building confidence in your kids first comes from you being a CONFIDENT mom.

You are not the one always trying to blend in with the crowd, afraid of sticking or standing out.


You cannot give what you do not have, so please build your confidence, and raise those kids to be confident too.

I love this book by my Gmama Joyce and I heartily recommend it to you too

Incidentally, it was a gift from my Mama, Pastor Mildred Kingsley-Okonkwo, to me.

Of course, there are other ways to instil confidence in a child, and as we walk with God, He highlights them to us. Also Google and YouTube will lead you to amazing resources, but let your discerning spirit be high too.

I just shared this story because I believe it will help a lot of us moms, and give us permission to TRAIN our children DIFFERENT from this world, and not just FIT INTO THE CULTURE and IDEALS of this world, without thinking.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.

Romans 12:2 MSG

Your friend and Sister

God’s Domestic Queen

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