Why you should QUIT staying with your child until s/he falls asleep




I am sorry I missed prayers again. I was putting my kid to sleep and I slept off as I lay with him.

I got this from a dear WILD Sister and that birthed the idea from this post. My focus is not so much on the fact that she slept off, but the action of staying in bed with the child for them to sleep.
If you don’t like someone telling you what to do, hasta la vista baby. Cos this post is going to be like your mama telling you EXACTLY what you should do but you do not wanna hear.

Let’s roll


Hello sweet GDQs,


Sprinkling generous doses of sunshine, rose petals and kisses your way.
This domestic and life gig is hard, but guess who is carrying us?


GOD!!!

Isaiah 40 v 11

He will care for you as a shepherd tends his flock, gathering the weak lambs and taking them in his arms. He carries them close to his heart and gently leads those that have young.


I pray we are all running into His hands and not Telemundo, Instagram or Big brother (which you really NEED to stop watching)

Like I said, this post is going to be about telling you what to do.


I fear for my generation who don’t want to be counseled at all, and file off everything that sounds like TRUTH in the cabinet tagged JUDGEMENT.


Once it comes to parenting, any thing that even hints at your laziness, inconsistency and slack, and we see it as judgement

Well, not me.


I LOVE being corrected, especially by my mentors and leaders, close and far.
I LOVE being called out in my foolishness.I AM TERRIFIED of being left alone to ‘you do you, Boo



And because I love these things, I am writing about them, with my full chest.


Ok, to the matter at hand.


Because I don’t have a lot of time to be faffing around, even when I take my kids to bed, I read them a bedtime bible story, we talk about how their day was, the best part, the worst part, and so on.

Then I pray over them, we say our confession, and I nicely leave the room after turning off the light and tucking them in.


THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS STAYING THERE, HOLDING YOUR HAND, SINGING TO YOU as you fall asleep.

Gosh, HOW!!!

Now, my husband MOSTLY takes the kids to bed and he would actually stay with them until they slept off, and I know he primarily did that because he also saw it as a way of spending time with them, but even then, he stopped it, especially when they started to get entitled about it and would insist Daddy stays until they fall asleep.

In fact, if somehow Bolaji couldn’t take them and I had to, they would show some sadness because they know mummy wont even get into bed with them.

I don’t even know where I picked it from, but I guess it must be a combination of not having all that extra time, especially as I am either getting into a late meeting, or going to sleep so I can wake early enough, and me just considering it an honest waste of time.

And then I had the sweet privilege of reading Eric Mertaxes Seven women, where he bio-graphed 7 heroes, one of whom was Susanna Wesley, mother of the Methodist movement founder, John Wesley.

Let me quote her

“After her small children finished their supper and had their baths, they were put to bed awake, “for there was no such thing allowed of in our house as sitting by a child until it fell asleep.”16 Of course, this sounds much less harsh when we remember how many children she had to bring up” – Seven Women by Eric Metaxas.


I was like ‘yaaaaas, my kind of woman’



Moms, we need to not just follow culture that we met before us blindly, because this staying with a child until they fall asleep came from watching movies and just culture.

It just makes a child overly dependent on you, and even if you have extra time, invest it in something else.

I always fear for kids who can’t sleep alone, and would be crying and throwing tantrums. Now that I think of it, that was such a motivation for me to not even start that.

I wanted to be able to close the door and walk out on a child still awake, and let them fall into a habit and routine of sleeping on their own.

So Moms, don’t start what you cannot finish ooo

I know it seems like an ajebo thing to do, holding your child’s hand in the dark, singing to them, then sliding out of bed as quietly as possible, contorting yourself into all kinds of shapes to make sure the child doesn’t wake up. Then God help you, the child turns and wakes, and cries and you have to go back.

Phew

Too exhausting.

If you are a new mom, please take this counsel as you raise that child from the baby stage. SLEEP TRAIN THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT.

They wont die. They dill only cry then stop and then get used to it.

Its OK to check in with them from time to time, but don’t let a child earn a right to always being held and cuddled until they sleep.

It’s something you CANNOT afford.
You MAY think you can afford it now, but trust me, neither you nor the child can afford it.

Like you know, raising GRIC kids is a goal for me, and I stands for INDEPENDENT.

Not only does it build confidence and character in the child, it also saves time for the mother.

Cheers to moms who like Susan Wesley and Eziaha, sleep train their kids to independence, among other things.


And speaking of books, I thoroughly recommend 7 women. Diverse stories and I am sure you will find a personal hero among them. I found two heroes in Hannah Moore and Susanna Wesley.


And still on books, a friend asked me just this morning about good books I can recommend on good parenting.

Such a blanket question because parenting is so broad. So instead of recommending a book, I recommended authors who I knew were godly, sound and professional child specialists.

Then I told her to scan their book list and choose the ones that speak to the season they are in, or the wisdom they need.

My top two, without a doubt would be

James Dobson
Kevin Leman



Those two have like 7million books LOL and it covers a wide range of subjects, including marriage and parenting.

I know there are more, and I especially love Joyce Meyer’s CONFIDENT MOM, but if we are talking NICHE, then the men above are my plugs.

I have read several of their books and I love how their professional knowledge gets combined with godly wisdom. They are not afraid of speaking truth and calling out culture that is anti-Christ

Also don’t stop at books, get on YouTube and watch interviews too. For example, James and Kevin have a few interviews together and they are just so BRILLIANT.

So read, then watch video interviews they have done about the books, which you see a lot with American authors. You get such RICHER wisdom from the combination of both.

I hope this helps.

This is your Mother signing out hehe


I love reading your comments so feel free to drop one, sharing what you agree or disagree with, or any questions you may have or suggestions for posts to write.



With so much sweetness and prayers
Eziaha

11 Comments

  1. Thank you mum!😂

    Honestly, I love the way you serve truth and wisdom together. And I’m glad I have listening ears and an understanding heart.

    My 3 year old son still tried to guilt-trip me last night for leaving him to sleep alone. I only wish I had started this earlier, but for all these mushy mushy emotions that’s not exactly helping any of us!

    We really need to raise independent kids. Don’t know where I got the habit from cos I’m not sure I’ve seen oyinbos staying with their kids to sleep, neither did anyone stay with me to sleep when I was little!

    God has liberated us sha las las!

    Much love mama🥰😍

  2. Can’t believe I’m here reading and can finally relate… Thank God for seasons of life. Phew!!!.

    So yesterday, I told my mum today, we are going to start feed training baby. Lol. I’ll be resuming work in 2weeks and I have to monitor baby’s feeding pattern, like how many times he feeds in a day between morning and the time I’ll be closing from work so I can know how many bags of expressed milk he’ll take and also get used to not being with him all day.

    While doing that, I made sure to disengage myself from him, I didn’t go to see him or even carry.

    Breastfed directly for the first time today around past 3pm and baby is fine, everyone is good. Lol. While I did that I just thought, this is what mama will do.

    Thanks for mirroring intentionality and Discipline so well.

    Now they come in handy even in a whole new season…

  3. I will say am guilty of this as my two boys of 4+ and 2+ still sleeps with me . A friend of mine advised against this .Sleeping alone for them seems strange as have not introduced them to it.

    Will definitely start this

  4. Thank you for this post.
    I am learning to look away when my daughter cries because I’m leaving her to fall asleep on her own.

    Very rich and insightful, thank you for the wisdom and resources shared. I’m here for growth.

  5. Thank you for this post.
    I am learning to look away when my daughter cries because I’m leaving her to fall asleep on her own.

    Very rich and insightful, thank you for the wisdom and resources shared. I’m here for growth.

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