NB. This post was first published on this blog in January 2021
Hey Family,
I pray we are all living our VERY BEST LIVES in our current seasons, bearing fruits, and stewarding the joy of the Lord within the 4 walls of the place of our super power, our homes.
So, there is a post on my heart I want to highlight for us to read.
Dear GDQ, What if you KNEW IN ADVANCE?
I know my life will change, and the lives of my sisters I get the privilege of serving by mentoring will change too, so let’s look forward to it. This is STRICTLY for stay at home moms and more details will follow
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Also share with your friends who are stay home moms too.
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Ok, enough for now. Haha
Today’s blog should be a short one, because I have just one big idea, which I would unpack and I pray the Holy Spirit does the work of showing you how to apply this knowledge in a wise way to your home.
Forgive me if I seem all over the place. I am not claiming expert rights on this, having been married for just 10 years, and I am just 37 too, but I believe this is a mistake we can avoid so we can get more joy out of our marriages.
Wife talk today. Let’s go.
I used to be guilty of this until I heard Lisa Bevere in an interview mention how John Bevere, HER HUSBAND, does NOT read her books. It was NOT what she said, but HOW she said it.
Lisa Bevere and her husband John with his latest published book
Like, it is OK. I was shocked. HOW CAN HER HUSBAND NOT READ HER BOOKS?
That seemed very unsupportive for not just someone you love, but your wife. I think she even mentioned that she reads his books.
Hmm. The sense I received that day.
Because I used to feel SO BAD that my husband didn’t read my blog.
Haba, EVERYONE was reading my blog (at the time, I only had www.eziaha.com, my personal blog), and I used to write a LOT about him, so it PAINED me that he wasn’t reading it regularly AND supporting me.
Hearing from the Queen Lioness herself made me realize that it is NOT my husband’s place to SUPPORT me in that way.
Honestly, Lisa’s audience is NOT John Bevere and I certainly am not writing to INSPIRE my husband, so if they don’t read it, it is NOT A PROBLEM.
It certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t support us, it just means that THEY DO NOT READ IT, simples.
No need reading any extra meaning into it.
There are many other ways for them to show their love and support for us.
Now, in your case, it may not be a blog or book, it may be that business idea you have, your ministry, your job, your final year project, whatever.
This is not to say that they show absolutely NO INTEREST, because most men will here and there, but that they will be involved in the nitty gritty, checking up and tracking your progress and sales daily, etx, may never happen, and you do not have to charge it against them. If there are areas you need his wisdom counsel and prayers, discuss those specifics, but to save yourself heartache, don’t expect 100% involvement. It just doesn’t work that way for men.
Oh, and you also will now not be involved in his own as a payback ooo. Nah, we are wiser than that. Most times, you would agree that it is easier for you to support him that way than for him to support you the same way. We are the ones called to help, we are nurturers, we are the ones with a womb, the careers, and the ones into details.
They aren’t.
So let’s release ourselves from those heavy expectations and receive the other ways your husband loves and supports you (let the HOLY SPIRIT open your eyes to them) and lets enjoy our lives right where we are.
I know this may not go down well with some of us and even seem like double standards. Like I said, I don’t know that much but from mentoring, leading and really coming alongside my sisters with major marriage challenges, I’ve learned that we all need to free our husbands from being EVERYTHING to us and not only get a life, but learn to enjoy many parts of that life without him.
You better keep your Good God-Girlfriends because they are SO KEY and it is OK to look for support from your sisters in Christ, not put all the pressure on that man.
This was one advice I got from my Pastor Mildred’s blog post for me when I got married
Oh and very closely related to that would be when we just naturally expect that through our schizophrenic, unstable, inconsistent living, our husband should NATURALLY support and be there for us
EPIC FAIL!!!
If you are always changing your mind, starting and quitting based on whims, impulse buying, being undisciplined, and showing many signs of inconsistency everywhere, YOU WILL LOSE THE TRUST, SUPPORT and BUY IN of your husband on some, if not major matters.
He gave money for a business, you blew it, lacked accountability and have NOTHING to show for it…
You started this training today, and tomorrow, you say it is this program you want to do instead, and two weeks later, you want to learn tailoring, oh but online selling hair looks like it a month after…
You literally just waste the family budget on things that you can do without, use kitchen money for undies, buy online instead of cheaper options, and have an excess of crap, and a shortage of the more important stuff so diapers runs out on the 18th when he may not be too buoyant for it
You are in 4 prayer groups and you complain about all of them, are inconsistent, and yet won’t leave and allow them interfere with family time?
You spend data watching endless YT videos and when he needs you to join an online church or something online that is important to him and your family, you have run out of data.
Hmm, sis, even I Eziaha will have issues supporting you through your inconsistencies, and your husband, the more logical specie will too.
Supporting you through craze is not love.
He should put a plug on all your nonsense, STOP giving you money to WASTE on what you think are business ideas, and tell you truths you need to know, WHILE LOVING YOU.
That is what I would appreciate and interpret as LOVE
I love people calling out my crap, and calling me up to growth.
I hate to be left to persist in my foolishness so I receive correction from loved ones as a Christmas present.
Not to brag, but one thing my husband knows about me is that I am DISCIPLINED and CONSISTENT. I see things through once I have given my WORD. I do not waste money anyhow. I do MY ABSOLUTE BEST to take care of the home, including trying to make sure he returns to a clean home, despite the kids playing and all.
So he trusts my sense of judgment and supports me, and NOT BY READING MY BLOG consistently lol
There are other ways I can think of soliciting support please, and I have to EARN it. Yes, true talk!!!
I recall last year when I told him I wanted us to shop for 3months. I presented my solid strong logical reasons, including how we could SAVE MONEY (music to any man’s ears) by bulk buying, and how I would go to Lagos Island and Mile 12
He trusted me and we invested in that. Interestingly, what we got then ended up lasting an extra month, so when I make another domestic request, won’t he agree? I have literally saved us 100s of thousands by that decision, so now that I want to invest in something major, I know when I present my STRONG reasons, he will agree.
When I wanted us to change the kids’ schools, I also presented my reasons and he agreed, and when I decided against it because I had gone to the school to FIGHT make my case, he saw reason too and agreed
Sometimes, we think that JUST BECAUSE we bear the tag WIFE and MOTHER to his children, he should agree to everything even when all we have are ‘feelings’
Girl, you better wise up, and start thinking logically as you present your case.
Have a track record of wise decisions, so even when all you have are intuition sometimes, he will bow to it.
Let us stop thinking that my husband is called to support the details of all my life (like reading my blog lol) or that marriage is a license to get away with a sloppy life without thinking things through, yet have the constant unending support of our men. It won’t happen. Or maybe, it will if you have a good man, his support just won’t be like you expect it to be, when he says NO to your next 7 requests.
Ok, let me run. I have shattered tables and hearts but you will thank me later after you apply.
Oh and of course, there are some husbands who support their wives on EVERYTHING and we are thankful for them. This is me writing to my sisters who have husbands who THEY THINK are not supportive
Please share your thoughts in the comments and don’t forget to join the mailing list
Love&Prayers
Eziaha