When it comes to parenting, I am so convinced that this world has nothing to offer, so I stick to THE WORD, I am happy to go against the grain in order to raise kids who by God’s grace are not entitled, impatient, ungrateful, can delay gratification, and above all, will grow into adults that others, not just you their mom, will enjoy being around.
Ready, set, READ…
Hey Moms,I have had this post burning for a while in my heart, especially in today’s world where the natural inclination for kids is to impatient, entitled and can be emphatic about it.
As expected, I started to see such behavior in my boys and I immediately, with God’s help, started to fight it well.
Now, DISCLAIMER
My kids are not perfect, neither am I. We are all truly work in progress. When I see contrary behavior in them, I am quick to first note it, then start to work out a strategy/plan to correct it, including appropriate discipline. It is a process, so I put in the work.I also don’t shame them, or feel ashamed or like I have failed. I don’t have time for those negative vibes. I instead think more progressively.
If we let our kids get away with a sense of entitlement, no matter how little, they will be the kind of adults people don’t want to be around.
Entitlement simply means the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment, and our kids, especially those of us that have ‘em young, DESERVE NOTHING yet. They should be AGGRESIVELY taught that, and have that driven deep into them from a young age.
Everything is a PRIVILEGE, a GRACE GIFT, from us and ultimately from GOD so nobody should walk around with any sense of entitlement to anything, even food, without immense GRATITUDE.
Impatience is even a fruit of the flesh and as believers, we must TEACH our kids to wait because ALL OF OUR CHRISTIAN FAITH will involve us waiting. Our Father is not a genie-in-the-bottle that we rub and out he comes, ready to do our bidding immediately. NO!!! We must WAIT for many many things. It has this sweet way of building our FAITH, shaping our CHARACTER, and making us more DESIRABLE to do life with, or even know from a distance.
We don’t wanna raise kids who have a sense of entitlement, think the world owes them everything, and so are impatient as they navigate life to get all of it.
Since we are tackling entitlement and impatience here, which I think are so closely related, let me share FOUR D’s I use to tackle both. Now note that I INTENTIONALLY do these things, sometimes without a DIRECT cause, just because I want to teach and drive something into them practically.
1. DELAY
I think this is one tactics I use the MOSTEST lol. I just intentionally DELAY things that I know I will ultimately give them.
For example, I don’t always JUMP UP and give my kids food when they say they are hungry. Most times, especially if I know they can wait a bit, I tell them I will give them later. I would typically round up what I am doing first before serving them.
I do the same too when they want to pee, especially if I know they are trying to get away from, or delay something. For instance, we are doing school at home, or they are having some quiet time (not Christian quiet time, but moments of silence I make them have at different times to calm them down), because they want to go do something else or escape LOL, they suddenly want to weewee more. Once I sense that, I make them WAIT.
There are many many other things I just intentionally DELAY so they know that life is not at their beck and call. Neither am I. this tactics works for stuff you know you will ultimately give them.
And it teaches PATIENCE very generously.
2. DENY
Also Known As saying the big fat NO!!!Oh, this is a fave of mine, especially as an anti-Christ culture is now telling us that saying NO to a child frequently can mess with their development and all. LOL
In fact, one YouTube mom I really love has said it too. That she hardly says NO to her kids, instead she finds other ways to present it.
Well, NO is Biblical. And way easier to say ANYWAYS hehe. JESUS tells me NO a lot and I imagine that He does that to you too. Imagine if He gave me everything I asked for in prayer.
In fact, our faith is even founded on DENIAL.
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”
Luke 9 v 23 KJV
I use this DENY tactics when I need to quickly shut down entitlement and build character in my kids. Yes, they can have it, BUT they don’t have to have it so they will not be having it. It doesn’t flow with my parenting style and vision in this season. For example, cartoons. Yes, you can watch it BUT NO!!! You wont be watching it.
Ditto some kind of junk food, especially when in a public place or a house not ours and others are having it. I let them know other people cant provide leadership direction for us randomly.
I also deny them if it is a clear case of ‘long throat’ just because they saw it, and so I use my NO to remind them that they are more than ‘an eye, a mouth, and a stomach’. This happens a lot with BREAD in my house. Once the fridge is open and they see bread, I instantly most likely hear ‘Mommy I want bread’, and in those times, I say NO. In fact, they are the ones who will now tell themselves ‘I am more than an eye, a mouth and a stomach’.
DENIAL is a tactic I am at home with and I do think it really does crush that sense of entitlement and greed too, while instilling discipline in them.
3. DEPRIVE
YES, they can have it, but they will be DEPRIVED of it until they have somehow earned it. Ah, this tactic works when it comes to PLAY in my house.
Jesus at 12 was in the Temple dissecting scriptures with older people of the law.
Daniel was 16 and even though away from home, he still made the right godly choices.
I believe these children had a track record of this from even a younger age.
So I let my kids know that we are first RESPONSIBLE with our things and duties, then play comes later, and even has to be earned.
You cant wake up and want to start playing.NO!!!
You also cannot play indefinitely.
Play is regulated and that is what it means to deprive.Yes, you can have it, but I will control how you can have it.
This is different from delay, as we can put a FIXED time frame to delay, but not to DEPRIVE. You only get access when certain criteria is met, no matter how long it takes.
This is another way weight loss works. You deprive yourself of some things to get your results, and as results show and you gain more discipline, you allow yourself more flexibility, because those things and your frequency of indulging, has been regulated well anyways.
That way, they build the muscles of DELAYED GRATIFICATION which we so desperately and generously need as adults, or they would be so undisciplined and lack self-control in everything.
I don’t want kids like that, and I know you don’t too.
4. DISCIPLINE
AH, this one is SO KEY and I did this post many many years back on this, so you can read here
Spanking Is Biblically Recommended
I have plenty scriptures to also buttress my point.
In this post, I would just add that discipline is really about discipling, aka TEACHING or MENTORING and DETERENCE.
Meaning, I am doing something to both TEACH them the right thing to do, and DETER them from repeating that wrong thing. If discipline isn’t designed to ultimately and progressively achieve both, then you haven’t disciplined.
I was careful in my choice of words above because I want to pass on the fact that discipline is both progressive and an activity.
IT IS OK TO REPEAT!!!
Like the post I referred to above states, I believe in spanking and I spank my kids.
I also believe we have other ways to discipline a child that would both correct/teach and deter/dissuade, or at least start or continue that progressive journey.
If I spank and the child learns nothing from it, I was just being emotional, not disciplining.
Other ways I discipline is by having them kneel and raise their hand for a prolonged period of them, sometimes carrying a weight, write something that makes them commit to not doing it again in many lines, long enough to tire them, or move something from delay or deprive to outright denial.
So if you were to watch SUPER BOOK or go downstairs to play after you had earned it for the day, and you do something really bad, that privilege is denied you for that day.
Whatever your choice for discipline is, make sure it both matches the offence, and is strong enough to DETER a recurrence.
This is SO KEY or you have missed discipline ooo.
For instance, just before I came to write this, my son did something bad. I knew spanking would not work, so I got out a notebook and made him write 2 pages of a sentence that said he will do better.
Then I made him rewrite it after some time of rest and some snacks.
He was bawling his eyes off but I didn’t back down.
Thats enough to begin the deterrence process for that act, if not complete it sef. If not, I am happy to REPEAT THAT PROCESS until that behavior is lost.
Ok, this is getting longer than I thought.
Will need to stop here but I am very happy to receive your questions and comments in the comment section.
I could answer there, or that could give me fodder for a follow-up post because I know I still have more to cover but I have to go. I didn’t even cover GRATITUDE here, which is so key to our conversation.
But I have to end this here.
God bless you and thanks for reading. Feel free to share with any friend you know that needs this.
With so much LOVE
Eziaha