While I agree that parenting is hard work, I also know that it is one of the most rewarding hard work we will ever do, if we do it right, and we can enjoy it on the journey too. Sometimes, we make mistakes that make the work harder than it ought to even be, so in this blog, I’ll share a few tips I picked from personal mistakes I have made, which have helped me not just enjoy the process, but also get the results I am looking for in my kids.
N.B This post was first published on this blog in October 2022.
1. Trying to change too much at once
As a Type A, High D on the DISC profile, I want everything working well at once. When there are 7 problems, Queen Eziaha wants to fix 7 problems immediately. I started to do that with my kids too. I wanted them to learn responsibility in brushing their teeth, washing their plates, watering their plants, making their beds, cleaning their rooms, etx, ALL AT ONCE.
Of course, it wasn’t working and would both frustrate me and make me feel like I was failing.
They cannot – SHOULD NOT- change everything all at once.
It is OK to pick one and focus on it per time, and just ‘lose’ at the rest, knowing that when one is done and dusted, we can then add a second and layer it that win.
Btw, this is from my Devotional for raising kids who love Jesus and are well-behaved, #BoysOlorun and you can access it only via my App, E’Zivah, on Android and iPhone
So for instance, I can focus on them learning to brush their teeth VERY WELL, while I soft pedal on them washing plates. Not that they are not responsible in other areas of chores, but I am willing to take a pass on them doing it less than well, while I go ahead to do it where possible, but on that ONE big focus, brushing teeth, I am demanding excellence, and then putting in the time and energy to make that work.
So everytime they wash their plates and it is still oily, or they clear the table and it still looks dirty, I can either ask them to DO IT AGAIN, or just go ahead and do it, while taking notes on how I will be dealing with that when the focus gets there.
Everytime I did this, the enemy would want to make me feel like a failure, but I remind him that I already owned and defined my success metrics based on that FOCUS goal, and not the rest, and so if I am winning at that, then I am WINNING at all!!!
This completely took the pressure out of the process and even my kids had joy on this responsibility journey
Now, the second one is just as important which is
2. Trying to change ‘it’ in too little time
Look, I cannot even blame you; we are in the culture that wants to get it all done, YESTERDAY!!! We give ourselves such slavish deadlines (and this is not applicable when you know you are just being lazy) and then get under pressure to get it done then. I mean, even with your best efforts, some things take (longer) time, and we also see that play out in parenting.
So back to my story; I want my kids to get better at brushing their teeth and I decide that in 21 days, that goal should be done and dusted.
Then I put in the work joyfully yes, looking forward to 21 days, and after that, I expect it to be all perfect in ‘tooth brush land’.
Of course, it will NOT be.
One thing I have learned with kids is that not only do some things take time to master, even the ones that have been mastered cannot and should not be completely abdicated and abandoned
Newsflash: Parenting (read supervision) is an ongoing thing and teaching takes time.
So first, lose the pressure of too little time
Then define what a win will look like, so you can choose to move on to another goal
Then finally decide how and when you will keep revisiting that previous win
Here is what this looks like practically
I decide that in 6 weeks (or whatever timeline seems practical as we proceed on the journey and I see their progress), they should be able to brush well to 70% and above.
In those 6weeks, I am with them morning and evening, modelling by brushing mine beside them, and helping them brush theirs, then asking them to repeat, which btw impacts on time, and toothpaste hehe
But it is fine, it is the focus for now
After 6 weeks, I leave them to now independently brush BUT I decide that every once in 2 days, I pop in and supervise as they do it, so they know mama still has her eyes on them
And when on some occasion, I smell their mouth and it don’t smell right, I don’t feel like I failed, I just know it is a matter of time.
I just increase my frequency of supervision, or even decide to go back to that as a focus.
Maybe I didn’t give it ENOUGH TIME!
I have a follow-on to this blog, where I will share some other HUGE hack that has helped me stay FOCUSED on my win even when distractions are trying to drag me here and there, because success really does require focus!!
See you some other time!
Queen Eziaha
P.S
I have an upcoming event, JOYCODE 2.0 on the 11th and 12th of December 2023. If you’re tired of the stress, overwhelm and burnout pandemic and ready to ditch all that for a life of Joyful Productivity then I say welcome! You can register for this free event HERE
